Tuesday, February 10, 2009

why are you afraid?

lately i have been experiencing a lot of fear. more specifically i have been fearing the future and fearing losing a loved one. it has been so weird for me because i have never really legitimately had these 2 types of fears so vividly before. these fears have been randomly creeping up lately into my thought life. So, this morning during devos i was praying and thoughts about the future began to pop up in my head. questions like "what are you going to do this summer? are you going to stay at Hume and take a job? what about bills? what about home? what are your fall plans? where are you going? are you staying home or leaving? more school? work? china?" i began to feel overwhelmed and cried out, "Lord speak to me... tell me what you want me to do" i sat for a while in the silence and decided to begin reading my Bible and asking God to speak to me through His Word. i started reading about Jesus' work and letting His words minister to me. i read about the miracles he was doing and came upon the feeding of the 5000. I marvelled again at it and continued on. my reading soon took me to Jesus and his disciples on a boat during a terrible storm. Jesus is sleeping on a cushion in the stern of the boat and his disciples fearfully rush to him and ask "Don't you care if we drown?" Then it says that Jesus got up and completely calmed the storm with just his words. He then turned to his disciples and said, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" These words cut straight to my soul. "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" this phrase repeated over and over in my mind and i began to write it on my hand... "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" (Mark 4:40 NIV) Just as the disciples had seen Jesus feed 5000 people with nothing, over and over in my life i have seen God provide for me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually over and over and over again! I was so encouraged. Why am i afraid? Where is my faith? My faith is in a God who keeps his promises, a God who made the Universe, a God who sent his only son to die on a cross for me... a God who gently reminds me through His word that He is there and He knows my future, will never give me anything i cannot handle by His grace and will never forsake me because i am his precious child. what comfort! ... just thought i would share :)