Could it possibly be true that God would allow me to experience my greatest fear to show me His power in my weakness?
I think so. I once heard that the worshipper of God is truly revealed when one continues to worship God in weakness. A no-brainer, one might think, or at least I did when I first heard the phrase. But here I am. My heart is crushed and my eyes sore from crying.
Tonight a truth was revealed to me, and not just any truth. The very truth revealed to me was my greatest fear. I am kind of in shock at the moment. So many emotions and yet a strange numbness at the same time. Could this numbness be the very peace of God? I hope.
To have the power to forgive someone for the wrong done to you is quite a dangerous position to find yourself in. The battle of the flesh to have it's way is strong, but God is stronger. "It's not fair!, I deserve more!, I deserve revenge!" screams my flesh. Yet in whispers stronger than any scream, a still small voice repeats, "Dear child, remember what I have done for you. Remember my perfect plan. Discover my perfect peace." Because God has forgiven me for everything, past, present, and future, it has always been my strong conviction when in the position to forgive others, to do it...
"Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
I think it is quite amazing how God prepares His children to walk through the fire, and prepares their hearts for all things. Even in in tears as I write this, I look back and see how God has been preparing me for this moment. I find peace, hope, and strength in his word and will continue to follow Him throughout my struggle.
your prayer versus questioning is much appreciated.
grace and peace.