18-19When Jesus saw that a curious crowd was growing by the minute, he told his disciples to get him out of there to the other side of the lake. As they left, a religion scholar asked if he could go along. "I'll go with you, wherever," he said. 20Jesus was curt: "Are you ready to rough it? We're not staying in the best inns, you know."
These verses made me wonder what Jesus would say to me. I realize that so much of my life is based on comfort. How i live, what i eat, what i wear, my friends, my car... EVERYTHING. I wouldn't exactly call myself a "roughin it" kind of girl either. I like makeup and dresses and things that smell nice. I wonder what Jesus thinks of the life i've been living? I have always wondered how "sold out" i need to be or if i have to be a certain kind of person. Does Jesus want me to sell everything i have? give away my car and take the bus to work? stop wearing makeup and stop buying shoes (oh shoes! i haven't bought any in SO long!)? I know i am probably sounding pretty shallow right now and making my faith sound like it is going to be judged on how little i have or how "rough" i appear, but these are things i think about. Would Jesus reply curtly to me, "You know, there is no makeup or nail salons where i am going and you'll probably have to wear the same clothes for the rest of the journey, are you sure you want to come?" Or if Jesus came to me and said "sell everything you own and come follow me", i would like to say that i would do it in a second. But does my life now, my possessions now, my actions now, show a life of one totally surrendered? Where is the line?
The beauty of all of these questions and thoughts rolling around in my head is that Jesus hears them and has answers. I know that God created me and i am precious in his sight. He wants what is best for me and wants me to have an abundant life in him. I pray that as i continue growing, the things of this world and my earthly possessions will hold less and less value to me. It's so easy for me to get trapped in accumulating things and become a slave to possessions. i would like to say that even if everything i owned were to be burnt up tomorrow that i would be content because i have Christ but honestly, i am far from that point. if i walked outside and up to my car tomorrow and found it a heap of ashes, i would probably freak out. If i looked into my closet and found nothing but scraps and smoke i would probably cry. Does Jesus point his finger and condemn me for that reaction? No! Those are my reactions now, but i don't think God wants me to stay there. He wants me to grow and change and view things differently. One day i will.
What a patient and caring and graceful God i serve! One who loves me despite my daily failures, silly questions, and distractions.
Although sometimes it is not so fun thinking about how far i have to go and how much i need to learn, it is kind of nice each morning when i wake to hear Jesus simply say:
"Give me today."